To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family grief and joy. We live outside the touch of time. Clara Ortega

No matter how long I stare at my screen I still don’t know what to say. I feel lost for words and deeply sad. We are always there for each other no matter what. The unfortunate fact is that there is nothing I can do.

Julia, my eldest sister, discovered just a couple of weeks ago a lump in her breast, a lump the size of a Goose egg! After talking to her on the phone, listening to all she had already gone through, a biopsy without sufficient results, many consultations and chats with the specialist, emotional turmoil … I was numb. Everything is going so quick, the surgery to remove the lump will be on May 25th, next week! Why her!!

She already spent so many hours in the hospital as a child, receiving ear surgery. She who is almost deaf, she who had to fight so much harder in life to realise her dreams, she who is so gentle and kind….. she… The information is archived in my filing cabinet inside my head, and while I am there I cannot resist and open the drawer to read once more about my mothers struggle with breast cancer.

In spite of all this I need and want to be positive because I know that every person is unique, every patient is therefore different in how they cope physically and mentally with illness. I realise that I am currently in a over-sensitive phase. There is so much going on in my life that I start to feel a lack of filing space in my head.

Life does not always give us time to read and organise … at the most inconvenient moments we are confronted with new information, often too much to deal with. Although I could do with a pending box, the content of this new letter calls for immediate action! I tap my fingers on the table…. I visualise and I believe….

Although the world is full of suffering,
it is also full of the overcoming of it.
Helen Keller

You are most welcome to share with me my candle ritual in the coming days, especially on May 25th. I will be lighting our peace candle … every day a couple of minutes before I go to sleep…

I will send love, pray and ask for strength, support and healing for my sister Julia


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