Arriving at 10.00 am and welcomed like royalty I enjoyed myself in the swimming pool, Jacuzzi and sauna during the first hours of my visit. The afternoon was filled with a facial, body wrap and reflexology.
My day at the beauty and health farm has made me 10 years younger, without any surgical or artificial enhancements. My mind drifted while my full body was covered in re-hydrating creme and foil. Using the relaxing time to reflect on my recent change was a refreshing choice and caused a cleansing of my depressing thoughts.
Letting go is not an easy task but it is the only way to give yourself the chance to break free. The main restricting thought was that my ‘new life’ had become a burden to others. Clearly a contradiction, because the root of this feeling is the most important reason for my change in the first place. Part of me says… let go, the other part struggles with the consequence of having to ‘disappoint others’.
In the end I had to admit to myself the benefits of being more selective in my contacts, even when it seems to create a temporarily feeling of fear or loneliness. A positive side is that I finally feel a free person again.
For example being able to write in my journal without being stalked or followed. I have never talked about this with anyone but every move I made, every word I wrote became subject of a struggle. Freedom of speech for me had almost become only a dream. Holding back this disappointment had made me so exhausted.
Yes, it is definitely another step forward, this time under the influence of a nurturing physical transformation. A before and after picture would never be able to reveal the depth of this organic nip and tuck.