Almost two weeks into January and Cosmic Handmade is still closed. The free time available when I’m not working is very much needed to re-charge my energy for the next shifts and working on my off-line design projects. It seemed so much easier years ago when I worked as a carer, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in my life I become aware of the restrictions of aging.

Change, in whatever form, is a disruptive factor in daily life, more so when we did not make the choice out of ‘free will’. Putting consistency, flexibility and perseverance into motion is a big challenge. Even when life did not turn out the way we hoped and we know that change is inevitable, our first (sub-conscious) reaction is to resist. We become so attached to our daily routines, providing us with this false sense of security. Change creates uncertainties, the fear to wander into the unknown part of our life journey.

“Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” John F. Kennedy

Being in the middle of change we need to be able to accept that doing the best we can is sufficient. It is important to include ‘mistakes’ we make as part of the process because they can provide us with a better awareness of our limitations. With this, we have the ability to emphasize our strengths and become familiar with our weaknesses. We are what we are but there is no need to be what we have become.

How often do we know what is needed to make our life better and still continue in the same mode. Theories are helpful yet so challenging to transform into reality, activating them into manageable daily routines. Maybe I just think too much ~smile~.

This brings me to the point of finally making an important decision, letting go of everything (including people) in my life that restricts me from doing what I have to do. There is no more time to waste on frustrations, especially those that where not part of me in the first place. It seems that I have accepted to become a magnet for those who refuse to accept responsibility of their own actions in life, the moan and blame society.

Although I treasure my forgiving and understanding nature, I also know that it has limitations and I have to take charge of my own actions. I cannot allow anymore for people to cross my border, enough is enough. Taking away the food might finally motivate those who eat from other people’s plate’s to use their own inspiration. Somehow the noise these people created, made me deaf and blind for honest and respectful encounters with others.

Stepping back is a helpful move, it keeps me from being infected with slander and gossip which is not my style anyway. I feel relieved having made the first step into an unknown but better place for me to manoeuvre. My goals and limitations are now so real to me. Clearly, the next steps are trust, time and patience.

In silence I open the next chapter and reveal my new tasks, they are not easy but I feel confidant that they will be just as rewarding. If only I had listened to myself earlier, hindsight is such a beautiful thing.


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